Caught In The Grey
by Rebelsoka
Summary: Ahsoka Tano sees the war as black and white. The Republic which she has sworn to protect and fight for is good. The enemy, the Separatist Alliance, is undeniably evil and corrupt. But when she befriends Lux Bonteri, the son of a Separatist senator, she realises that the politics of the war are more grey than she once thought. A series of single and multi-chaptered short pieces.
1. Prologue: The New Padawan

_"_ _The costs of war can never be truly accounted for."_ — Innocents of Ryloth

Ahsoka Tano was being promoted to the status of Padawan Learner. Her new master? The legendary Anakin Skywalker, 'The Chosen One,' the former student of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and the one all of the younglings would whisper about whenever he happened to pass by them in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. The one who would surely, one day, feature in the tales and legends told about the Clone Wars when the facts and figures had been forgotten amid the joy of the Republic's near-certain victory over the evil Separatist Alliance. Now, Ahsoka was being given an opportunity to become a part of those legends.

The fourteen-year-old flitted from place to place around the Temple, saying goodbyes to her friends and gathering her few belongings from her dormitory in the youngling quarters, including her emerald green lightsaber which still stubbornly held in a reverse grip, no matter how many times her teachers tried to alter it. One day, she promised herself, she would become a great Jedi Knight, or even a Master, helping and protecting people all over the Galaxy. It was her dream.

Her excitement and enthusiasm for the day ahead, the day she would actually become a Padawan, showed as she near-sprinted towards the hangar where a shuttle waited to take her to Christophsis, the planet on which she would meet her new master. She saw Master Yoda one final time before boarding the shuttle and taking her seat, her foot already tapping with impatience as she waited for the shuttle to be loaded and on its way.

The journey took a few hours and was Ahsoka's first time on a Jedi Cruiser, besides a few brief visits when she was still a youngling. The time seemed to drag on for the young girl but eventually she was called to the cruiser's hanger by Admiral Yularen where she re-entered her shuttle. She felt the shuttle lift off, leave the hanger and enter the vacuum of space, swerving as it made its way towards the planet below, presumably dodging the blaster fire of the ongoing space battle in Christophsis' orbit. After all, she was going into a war zone.

She looked down at herself. Her new outfit, the design of which she had chosen, was comfortable and allowed for great flexibility, therefore suiting her preferred style of fighting which required a lot of agility. From her belt hung her lightsaber, the weapon of the Jedi. She was proud that she was finally taking this step towards becoming a Jedi Knight, a part of a force who strived to do good and help others, all over the Galaxy. Fighting in the war was a part of that duty, despite the fact that the Jedi were peacekeepers; apparently, it was sometimes necessary to fight for peace and Ahsoka was willing to do her bit. After all, with the powerful, selfless Jedi backing the Republic, it was unlikely in her opinion that they would lose to the selfish Separatists.

She felt the shuttle's motion begin to slow indicating that they were about to land and stood up, ready to disembark immediately as she was unsure what the situation would be outside when the door opened. Finally, the shuttle came to rest on the ground. Hearing no immediate signs of ongoing combat, she relaxed slightly as the ramp began to unfold, giving her her first view of Chistophsis. She took in the sight of the towering crystal-blue skyscrapers before lowering her gaze to see two Jedi, who she knew to be Anakin Skywalker, her new master, and his former master, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Holding her head high so as to appear confident, mature and in control, Ahsoka walked towards them over the pavement which was cracked with the scars of fighting and heard Master Kenobi mutter something about "a youngling." This annoyed her a little but she wouldn't let it phase her. After all, she was a little younger than most Padawans.

"And who are you supposed to be?" Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One, addressed her a little rudely.

"I'm Ahsoka," she responded, attempting to disguise her annoyance but not quite managing it. "Master Yoda sent me. I was told to tell both of you that you must get back to the Jedi Temple immediately. There's an emergency!" Anakin didn't seem particularly happy.

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed but we're in a bit of an emergency right here."

"Yes, our communications have been a bit unreliable but we've been calling for help." Master Kenobi added. Ahsoka sighed.

"Master Yoda hadn't heard from you so he sent me to deliver the message."

"Oh, great!" Anakin replied sarcastically. "They don't even know we're in trouble." Anakin turned away in frustration. So they were stranded without communications? That wasn't good. The new Padawan suddenly had an idea.

"Maybe you could relay a signal through the cruiser that just dropped me off?" Master Kenobi smiled and exchanged a glance with Anakin, who nodded.

With that, the three Jedi began to walk towards the temporary communications station the Republic had set up. For Ahsoka, it was her first mission and, as is the case for many beginnings, she was walking into the unknown, with little knowledge of the challenges which lay ahead. The same would be true for her experiences over the next few years as a whole; at that point, in the beginning, she had no idea just how much the Clone Wars would change and affect her, for better or for worse.

* * *

 **Hello and welcome! This is my first story so if you enjoyed this please follow/fave/review as it would mean a lot to me.**

 **First of all, this is not exactly a romance as it is going to stick primarily to what is shown in Canon, providing a reflection on Ahsoka growing and developing as a young Jedi but also how her view of the war and the Jedi changes as the series progresses. However, it will also look at how she deals with the rule of attachment in conjunction with her feelings for Lux. A number of chapters will not be based on episodes of the show and will instead fill in some of the gaps between the times when we see Ahsoka in the show, for example how she reacts to events which do not directly concern her or expanding on something which did happen in episodes that concerns her.**

 **Initially, progress may be a little slow as I am currently sitting exams. However, I have started the first chapter (this is a prologue providing background information on Ahsoka's initial views of the war) and in a few weeks time I will hopefully be able to establish a regular update schedule.**

 **I've rated this as T to be safe but it's probably overdoing it. Any mature themes will likely be no worse than The Clone Wars itself though there may be implied mentions of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder later on.**

 **Thanks for reading and I hope you've enjoyed this introduction :)**

 **Disclaimer: The title of this story is taken from Icon for Hire's song 'The Grey' so credit for the lyrics goes to them. I do not own any of the characters appearing in this story (besides any OCs I may happen to create) or Star Wars in general. Those belong to Lucasfilm and Disney.**


	2. Politics

_"The challenge of hope is to overcome corruption."_ — Corruption

For over a year now the devastating disease of war had raged across the galaxy and Ahsoka Tano, the Padawan learner of Anakin Skywalker, had been doing what she did best ever since; that is, fighting for what she believed in, fighting for the Galactic Republic. Over the course of her time as the student of the renowned 'Hero With No Fear,' as the Holonet reporters liked to call her master (she, as of yet, had no nickname other than Snips, which thankfully only her master called by, but she was determined to change that), Ahsoka had learned a great deal about the nature of war, how to strategise, how to master her fear in difficult situations and, of course, she had rapidly been developing her knowledge of the Force and the ways of the Jedi. As her master once said, she learned best on the battlefield.

But one area continued to elude the understanding of the young Padawan and that was the world of politics. Take, for instance, the debate that was unfolding before Ahsoka's eyes in the halls of the Galactic Senate. An emergency meeting had been called by the Chancellor in order to discuss the costs of the war. As the Clone Wars continued to escalate across the Galaxy, more and more clone troopers were falling and the Senate had felt the need to discuss the logistics of conflict continuing. Ahsoka watched the gathering of politicians descend into various parties arguing senselessly with one another about banking deregulation and finances until Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan stepped in to request that the meeting be suspended until a later time.

Ahsoka was confused. The only one who had spoken any real sense, in her humble opinion, was Senator Amidala who had called for the Senate to consider their moral responsibility in the ongoing conflict. No one else seemed to care about the fact that if nothing was done to ensure the Separatists were eliminated from the Galaxy, the peace that the Republic had maintained for generations would be lost amid the horror of being subject to the mercy of Dooku's corrupt alliance.

Senator Amidala's pod returned to its docking bay and as soon as she had alighted, Ahsoka and Anakin, who was standing behind his Padawan, left the Senate chambers and began to walk along the corridor back towards Padmé's office. Ahsoka watched as Padmé tried to convince Anakin to speak to the Council about the situation.

"You must ask the Jedi Council to speak with Chancellor Palpatine!" Padmé exclaimed with conviction. But Anakin had other ideas.

"Don't involve me in this," he replied with a hint of frustration in his voice. Ahsoka knew that Anakin was not exactly the Council's greatest fan and, while he obeyed their instructions, usually, he often criticised their close-mindedness about many issues. Padmé tried again.

"A peaceful solution is the only way out of this morass of war."

Anakin would not be convinced.

"That's not my role, Padmé."

Now Ahsoka was even more confused. The Jedi were supposed to keep the peace but Anakin's response seemed to be advocating for the violence to continue!

"Why not?" Ahsoka questioned, stepping forward. "Why isn't it your role? Aren't we Jedi Knights? Isn't it our duty to speak our minds to advise the Chancellor?" Anakin cleared his throat, addressing Padmé.

"Uh, I suggest you teach my young Padawan a thing or two about politics," Ahsoka's master said. Padmé sighed.

"After today's debate, I was hoping she learned a great deal." With this, Ahsoka felt a little annoyed. The debate had been ridiculous, nothing had been decided and no solution had been found to the growing threat of the Separatist Alliance.

"Truthfully, I don't understand any of it," the young Padawan replied. Maybe this was her chance to finally understand why the politicians were so caught up in protocol and disagreement that they seemed to never achieve anything. "I know the Separatists are evil. But all anyone argued about was banking deregulation, interest rates and, well, almost nothing about why we're fighting in the first place!"

Anakin stepped forwards in front of her, halting the movement of their small party.

"War's complicated, Ahsoka, but let me simplify it," he said, crossing his arms. "The Separatists believe the Republic is corrupt, but they're wrong, and we have to restore order." Ahsoka could not understand how anyone could think the Republic was corrupt. Sure, the Senate had their disagreements, but in the end the Republic existed for the good of the people, to allow them to live in relative prosperity and peace. Though, on second thoughts, it was not performing particularly well in terms of the latter goal at the present time. Padmé looked at him, mirroring his pose.

"Maybe talking to the Council isn't the role for you, after all," she admitted with a slight smile playing on her lips. "Thanks for your help! Come on, Ahsoka."

"Hey!" Anakin protested, indignant, as Ahsoka followed the women who she had considered to be almost like a mother to her since her experiences on her trip to Alderaan.

"You told me to teach her about politics, so I'm going to," replied the senator, the hint of silent laughter still detectable in her voice. Ahsoka walked next to Padmé, only turning back to grin at Anakin in amusement. Honestly, the way he and Padmé argued sometimes made them seem more like a married couple than just friends. In fact, Ahsoka wasn't entirely sure that Anakin's feelings for the beautiful senator were entirely platonic but she was sure Anakin would never break the code in such a permanent, life-changing way so her suspicions most likely meant nothing. After all, Obi-Wan would have ensured any romantic feelings that Anakin had for any woman were carefully extinguished before the spark could turn into a raging inferno; Anakin was not exactly one who could let go of his attachments easily. He held on far too tightly to his friends, Ahsoka included, for the Council's liking.

Ahsoka and Padmé made their way to the senator's office where Padmé took care of a few minor matters while Ahsoka leaned against the desk, examining her nails. Yes, she was a Jedi but she was also a girl and she liked to look presentable, especially if she was going to learn about politics and probably have to meet with several senators. Suddenly Padmé paused and looked out of the window, staring into the distance as if deep in thought.

"If only I could talk to Senator Bonteri…" Padmé sighed.

Ahsoka was curious. Why would this senator in particular be able to help? And why couldn't Padmé talk to him?

"Who's he?" she enquired.

"'He' is a 'she,'" Padmé replied. "A senator in the Confederacy of Independent Systems." The young Jedi couldn't believe it.

"Your friend is a Separatist?" she asked as she turned to face Padmé, slightly shocked. "One of Dooku's pawns?"

"The Separatists used to be a part of the Republic," was the senator's response. "I was close with many of the senators who left. I may not agree with them but they're more than pawns."

This was a new idea for Ahsoka. She had never really given much thought to what had happened to the Separatist senators who had left. She knew that the Separatist Alliance was technically a democracy but with the Sith Lord Count Dooku as its leader, Ahsoka had never pictured it as a working senate where people discussed and voted on matters in a civil way. In fact, with the only Separatists that she came into contact with being soulless battle droids and the occasional Separatist leader, she struggled to picture Separatist citizens going about their day-to-day lives. To see Padmé respecting people who she had automatically grouped into the undeniable evil of the corrupt Separatist Alliance intrigued the young Padawan.

"If you think negotiating is the right thing to do, let's talk to her," Ahsoka proposed, thinking that perhaps her lessons about politics might not be as boring or frustrating as she had thought. But at this, Padmé's expression became conflicted.

"The Senate's made it illegal," she said, sighing.

"Illegal?"

"They say official meetings would only legitimise the Separatists," Padmé replied and Ahsoka could sense, without even needing to use the Force, that this was in issue which frustrated Padmé. She knew that Padmé had always been an advocate for finding a democratic solution to issues and the lack of peaceful communications between the Republic and the Separatists would severely limit the possibility of this ever happening.

"Well," Ahsoka reasoned. "Master Skywalker and I hold what we call aggressive negotiations all the time. It's a shame you can't hold more peaceful talks when you want."

"You just gave me an idea!" the senator said, her voice suddenly sounding more optimistic. She turned to face Ahsoka. "You're a Jedi. Which gives you special clearance."

"Right?" Ahsoka questioned, trying to see where Padmé was going with this.

"And Jedi are allowed to travel to neutral worlds like Mandalore…" she continued. "Where we could then board a cargo ship to a Separatist system!" Ahsoka was slightly amused at the senator's eagerness to break the rules. It reminded her of someone else she knew.

"Are you suggesting I use my status as a Jedi to smuggle you behind enemy lines?"

"It's just that, you could get us through to meet with her and… I haven't seen her or her family in so long." Ahsoka sensed Padmé was slightly nervous about following through with this; after all it wasn't everyday that a senator travelled to a world swarming with enemies with only a teenager, though a well-trained teenager at that, for protection. But she also sensed Padmé's determination. Ahsoka smiled.

"Relax, I'll help you! Besides," she said with a grin. "Master Skywalker said you should teach me about politics."

"Right," muttered Padmé as they prepared to leave.

"You know," Ahsoka said, still grinning. "You two have more in common than you think. It's no wonder you get along so well!"

"Uh, of course," replied the senator, a little hesitantly.

"So, where are we heading?" asked the young Jedi as Padmé prepared to leave.

"Raxus."

Ahsoka followed Padmé out and as they walked towards the transport's landing platform, she was unable to prevent herself from feeling a little apprehensive for her friend's safety. She would have to be on guard; the Separatist capital was no place for a Republic senator and a Jedi.

* * *

 **Here is the first proper chapter!**

 **Unfortunately, there are some technical difficulties with the site at the moment which mean I currently can't read my reviews :( Thanks to the person who reviewed (I'm sorry, I can't see your name at the moment) and I'll try to respond once the issue is sorted. Please don't let this stop you from leaving reviews - they'll be visible again as soon as the glitch is fixed and in the meantime I should be able to read them via the email notification they send. I would really appreciate feedback any of you may have. Thanks also to everyone who followed or favourited!**

 **I have a cover design for this story but for some reason the site won't let me upload it at the moment. It could be something to do with the technical difficulties or it may be my Wi-Fi. However, I will try to add the cover as soon as possible.**

 **The next chapter may take a little while but please stay tuned! Hope you've enjoyed this and thanks for reading! :)**


	3. Preconceptions

_"Morality separates heroes from villains."_ — The Lawless

Ahsoka tugged her hood lower over her face so as not to be recognised and exchanged a glance with Padmé, who gave her a small smile. She looked out of the window as their transport, which had departed on time from Mandalore, approached the main city of the Separatist capital planet. It was a little strange to see Separatist ships moving around peacefully in the airspace above Raxus, being so used to having to prepare to be fired on after seeing one in normal circumstances. On the other hand, this was what normal was supposed to be. If she ignored the fact that this was a Separatist planet and these were Separatist ships and all around her were civilians allied with her enemy, she could imagine that this was a similar scene to what would be widespread when the war was over. People going about their daily business, with no need to fear a sudden, violent disruption to their day. Unfortunately, the Galaxy was currently filled with sudden violent disruptions to the lives of ordinary people and until the war ended, that idealistic picture would never be a reflection of the truth.

Their transport approached a landing platform on the side of a grand building and Ahsoka's senses were on high alert when she noticed the battle droids guarding the landing area. They would need to be careful if they were to avoid detection. Pulling her travelling cloak around her as the ramp began to lower, she and Padmé stepped off of the transport and onto Separatist soil. Carrying their cases and keeping their heads down, the two woman walked swiftly away from the ship. Several droids were questioning other passengers for identification and a lone battle droid seemed to show interest in them but was interrupted by a woman asking it about the whereabouts of Platform B. Ahsoka felt a hand on her shoulder as another woman whispered "This way," and guided them off the platform and to one side. There stood a woman with short, dark brown hair, decorative tattoos on her neck and arms and an elegant dress.

As Ahsoka and Padmé approached, she turned around and, on catching sight of Padmé, smiled.

"Hello, old friend!" she said softly, addressing Padmé who turned to Ahsoka.

"Ahsoka, this is Mina Bonteri. She was my mentor when I was growing up on Naboo."

Ahsoka examined the woman who stood before her, a woman who could have walked into the Republic Senate and no one would have batted an eyelid. A woman whose kind smile made it impossible to imagine that she would ever side with an enemy of the Republic. Ahsoka was surprised. Of course, she hadn't exactly expected her to look evil in some way but the fact that Mina Bonteri seemed so ordinary at first glance was strange.

"You're a Separatist?" she asked, hoping that she was not coming across as rude, though she was still suspicious of the Separatist senator. Mina Bonteri chuckled.

"Well, of course, my dear! Now, come! I have a transport waiting."

And with that, Ahsoka, Padmé, Mina and several other woman, including the few who had helped them bypass security who Ahsoka presumed to be the senator's handmaidens, made their way towards a smaller transport on an adjacent landing platform.

When their small party had boarded, the transport took off and began to make its way through Raxus' atmosphere towards the residence of Mina Bonteri. Once they were outside the capital city, Ahsoka removed her travelling cloak and looked out of the window to see the autumn forrest below them, the reds, auburns, yellows and browns blurring into a sea of colour. Eventually, the transport began to slow and she had her first sight of the senator's house. At a distance she could see that it was very large and grand but when the shuttle came to a halt and the door opened she could see it close up.

As she walked down the ramp, carrying her case, the building loomed over her with its grand stone staircase, its ornate carvings and beautiful architecture. Yet she was still wary, especially when she caught sight of a human boy with dark hair about her own age, maybe a year or so older, standing partway up the staircase. His clothing was formal and his hair in a style where not a single strand was out of place.

"Lux!" Mina called out to the boy, who Ahsoka supposed must be the senator's son. "Come down here and help our guests with their luggage, please." With this, he began to make his way down the staircase towards them. Ahsoka paused and scowled slightly. She decided that she didn't trust him one bit. There was something that she felt when she looked at him that made her suspicious. She watched Mina Bonteri hug Padmé.

"Padmé, it's so good to see you!"

"Yes," Ahsoka's friend replied, a hint of sadness detectable in her voice. "How things have changed since the last time we met."

"Let's go inside," said Mina, with the same tone present in her voice. "There's much to discuss." Lux walked up to them.

"Please allow me?" he asked, gesturing towards Padmé's bag. She gracefully handed it over as Lux bowed before she continued on into the house. Then Lux reached Ahsoka.

"May I?" he questioned, reaching out to take her suitcase. Their hands touched briefly and Ahsoka quickly snatched hers back, angling her entire body away from him. There was no way she was letting some posh son of a Separatist help her with anything! Sure, she had agreed to help Padmé negotiate peace but that didn't mean she had to surrender her honour as a Jedi and let a Separatist help her! She didn't trust him at all.

"I can handle it," she snapped. She glared at him for a second before following the two woman into the house. Lux followed behind her and she did her best to ignore him. Her master would not be happy if he found she had been talking to a Separatist boy. In fact, her master would probably kill her anyway if he discovered what she and Padmé were doing. She tried to put that thought out of her mind.

The two senators, one from the Republic and one Separatist, entered a dining room overlooking the house's garden. The Separatist boy left by a door, which Ahsoka presumed led outside, so that the women could talk. Padmé looked out of the window, watching Lux take a seat on the wide staircase's edge.

"He's grown so much, Mina," she said with fondness. Ahsoka wondered how close Padmé had been to Mina. Had she felt betrayed when a friend decided to abandon everything that Padmé had fought so hard to protect over her time as senator of Naboo?

"Time won't stop, even if we are at war," sighed Mina. "And I'm afraid these events are shaping his young life." Ahsoka was surprised that the Separatist seemed to show remorse at the war existing. Yes, she was sure that not every single citizen on a Separatist planet wanted to be fighting against the Republic but for someone in the senate to be so against the idea of their own war… Ahsoka needed answers if she was ever going to understand politics.

"With all due respect," she began, knowing that there was not really a polite way in which she could phrase the question she needed to ask. "As a Separatist, didn't you create this war?"

"Ahsoka!" warned Padmé, a tone of horror in her voice. Probably at Ahsoka's apparent lack of respect. But the young Padawan wanted to know.

"It's alright," Mina said, calming her friend but at the same time coming across as slightly aggravated. She turned back to Ahsoka. "That's a very polarised point of view, my dear. Would it surprise you to know that many of the people you call Separatists feel the same way about the Republic? And the Jedi?" Mina paused for a second and Ahsoka scowled very slightly. How could people say the Jedi had caused the war? All the Jedi had done was try to protect those in need! Mina hesitated slightly and turned away before adding: "Lux's father was like that."

Ahsoka wondered if this was her chance to show someone the truth; that the Republic was only trying to do what was best and the Jedi were a force for good, dedicating to serving others selflessly.

"Maybe I could speak with him," she replied, trying to keep her voice even despite Mina's accusations. But Mina's shoulders seemed to slump ever so slightly.

"If only you could," the woman said and Ahsoka realised that she was extremely upset about something. "A year ago next week he was setting up a base on Aargonar when clones attacked. My husband fought bravely in self defence. But was killed."

Ahsoka immediately began to regret speaking at all. In her curiosity she had torn open still-healing wounds for Mina and Ahsoka knew that loss was one of the most devastating emotions a person could feel. A Jedi was not supposed to form attachments, it was forbidden for the very reason that loss could tear a person apart and drive them to the Dark Side, but she always felt a pang of grief when someone she knew died. She couldn't help it and when you were at war, death was everywhere. She could only imagine what it would be like to lose someone you cared about so deeply for Ahsoka had never really had romantic feelings for anyone. But she knew that if she lost one of her closest friends, like Anakin or Rex or Barriss, the pain would be terrible; no matter what the Jedi Code taught about letting go of attachments. She had crossed a line, even if it had not been intentional.

"Excuse me, I… think I'll get some air."

With that she walked out into the garden, leaving the room through the same door which the boy, Lux Bonteri, had disappeared.

* * *

 **Welcome back to _Caught In The Grey_! Apologies that it has taken a few weeks to get this up but now, exams are over! :)**

 **More good news in that I can now read reviews again as the bug in the site has been fixed (I still can't upload my cover image though so I guess that will just have to wait for now). Thanks McAwsome and Johnt12345 for your reviews; I really appreciate your feedback!**

 **Reply to McAwsome: Thank you for your kind words and your help when viewing reviews was down! Yes I really like Icon for Hire. The funny thing is that it was while watching Ahsoka Tano tribute videos on YouTube that I heard their music for the first time so it seemed appropriate to name this fic after my favourite song by them (The Grey) which I think suits Ahsoka's story well.**

 **Reply to Johnt12345: Thank you for your support! I do have quite a long story planned out (well, it will probably be a few tens of thousands of words when finished so I guess it depends on your definition of long). Actually, planning this story out was why it took so long to finish writing this chapter.**

 **Anyway, the next chapter will probably be released in a couple of weeks' time as I haven't started writing it and I'm also back at school for a few weeks before finishing for the summer. At that point I'll be able to continue updating a little more frequently. The next couple of chapters will finish the Heroes On Both Sides arc and then I have a few original chapters planned before I move onto the events of A Friend in Need.**

 **Until next time, stay tuned and thank you for reading! :)**


	4. Respect

_"Who a person truly is cannot be seen with the eye."_ — Shadow Warrior

Outside the door lay a grand staircase, much like the one at the house's entrance, which led down to the garden. Ahsoka could see Lux Bonteri sitting to the side of the staircase, looking out at the garden. As she made her way down the staircase, heading for the covered area at the end of the path, she decided to try to ignore him but felt the Separatist's eyes follow her every move. She also could feel his unease through the Force, as if he was unsure of her in the same way that she didn't really trust him. It was only after she sensed his gaze come to rest on her lightsabers that he spoke.

"You're a Jedi, aren't you?" he questioned, his voice sounding vey formal to Ahsoka.

"Yes, why do you ask?" she responded as she turned to look at him, a little irritated. Of course she was a Jedi, walking around with a pair of lightsabers on her belt and escorting a senator to a secret meeting. What else would she be? A Sith? Lux paused before replying.

"Before the war, I was always told Jedi were good."

"And now?" Ahsoka asked, still cautious.

"I don't know anymore," he said. "There are a lot of terrible things happening. A lot of killing. And now my friends are saying the Jedi are to blame." Ahsoka suspected that Lux was simply repeating something someone else had told him or and that he did not have any firsthand experience with Jedi. After all, if he had known any in person, he would know that the Jedi were trying to restore peace, not cause more death!

"I'm the first Jedi you've ever met, aren't I?" she questioned, trying to remain polite despite being slightly aggravated.

"Well… yes," Lux said, hesitating slightly. Ahsoka smiled as she turned to look at him.

"Look at me. Not so bad, am I?" she asked, turning so that he could see her in profile but crossing her arms over her chest. She felt his gaze sweep upwards as he examined her.

"No, not bad at all," he said finally. Ahsoka rolled her eyes on hearing his tone of voice.

"Ugh, well, it seems boys are the same whether they're Republic or Separatist," she said snippily and turned to walk away. The boy chased after her, obviously worried that he had offended her.

"Wait!" he called to her and Ahsoka had to fight to avoid smirking and keep a neutral expression. He caught up to her and walked beside her. "How many Separatists have you actually met?" Lux asked. "And droids don't count." Ahsoka paused to think for a moment and realised that perhaps she had been too hasty in her own judgements of him, just as he had been of her.

"Well, other than military officers like Grievous and Ventress, none I guess," she replied, realising only now that perhaps she did not know as much about the Separatists as she thought she did. "You and your mother are the first." She stopped walking as the two of them reached an open-walled summerhouse at the end of the garden and he turned to face her, spreading out his arms in an almost welcoming gesture.

"Well, look at me. Am I so bad?" he asked, mimicking her tone of voice from before. Ahsoka looked at him, seeing him for the first time as another sentient life form rather than simply an enemy. Her eyes widened and she looked down at the ground, suddenly unable to meet his green eyes. When she looked back at him again, she saw that he was smiling very slightly.

"No," she said, finally. "I guess not."

Lux sat down on one of the benches in the summer house and she hesitantly joined him on the one adjacent. Ahsoka was the first to speak.

"You know, I don't think I actually introduced myself properly. I'm Ahsoka Tano," she said, intentionally leaving out her Jedi title of Padawan. Lux nodded.

"And I'm Lux Bonteri. It's a pleasure to meet you, Ahsoka, even if the circumstances are rather strange." Ahsoka smiled when he addressed her by name. It made her feel like a normal teenager instead of a commander in an army or a young student to be taught. It made her feel like a friend, as impossible as that seemed.

"I have to admit, when Padmé first told me that the senator we were going to see was a Separatist I was shocked. It hadn't really occurred to me that behind the endless armies of battle droids there's a working democratic parliament with senators just like the Republic."

"I don't blame you," Lux replied. "I've always been wary of the Republic because…" he trailed off.

"Your father?" Ahsoka asked gently. Lux bowed his head in a nod. "Your mother mentioned him when I was inside. I'm so sorry." Lux shook his head.

"Let's not discuss it. It wasn't your fault, even if it was the clones who fight for the Republic by your side who killed him. I can't forgive the Republic as a whole for what they've done, what they've let themselves become, but I know that I can't allow myself to blame you in particular. It wouldn't be fair."

"What do you mean when you say you can't forgive the Republic for what they've become?" she questioned in an attempt to change the topic. Lux sighed and Ahsoka could tell that he was trying to choose his wording carefully.

"As a Separatist, I believe the Republic has many flaws and has become corrupt beyond repair. That's why the Separatist Alliance was founded; to make a new start with a new system which is fairer and more stable. From what I have heard, the Republic is at the mercy of the corporations who fund it and as such has become corrupt and twisted in its attempts to obtain enough money to do what it thinks is right for its citizens." Ahsoka took his words in. It was true that all the senators had argued about in the meeting she had watched was money but surely the Republic was not as broken as Lux seemed to think? And the Separatists could not be any better, considering their leadership.

"But isn't it better to work to improve a system like the Republic instead of abandoning it entirely?" she asked. "And the leader of the Separatists, Count Dooku, is a Sith Lord! An enemy of the Jedi!" Lux seemed to consider this.

"I think the Separatists believe that it is better to start afresh than to try to fix something which is so broken already. And as for Count Dooku, well, Force-sensitives are very rare in the Galaxy anyway so I can't claim to understand the tensions between their schools of thought or anything to do with what you call the Light Side or the Dark Side. In fact, I had never actually met a Force-wielder face-to-face before you. But Count Dooku seems to be well-learned and a strong leader and for a politician, that's what matters. The Jedi have sided with the Republic anyway so in a way, they're caught up in the Republic's corruption." Ahsoka realised that she was fighting a losing battle with regard to Lux's impression of Dooku.

"Maybe," she said, internally unconvinced. "But the Jedi are trying to do what they believe is best. They strive to be selfless and compassionate."

"I suppose so," Lux replied. "And I can see that you are doing what you believe is right. I just don't think an order, no matter how selfless they try to be, can remain as pure as you say when they serve a broken system." Ahsoka sighed but let it drop.

"I guess we can agree to disagree then," she said firmly. After all, she was a Jedi serving the light and aiming to bring hope where there was none. If Lux felt he was doing the right thing as a Separatist, it wasn't her place to try to prove him wrong because in some respects he was probably right to say that the old system was broken. Perhaps the Republic was not as perfect as she had thought when she had first taken to the front lines to fight for it but she still stood by her belief that it was better to strive for a better, fairer system. To her, that was a belief worth fighting for. The Separatists may have a point but many of their methods were unjust and wrong and as a Jedi, it was her duty to defend what was right. As she had told a class of cadets on Mandalore, lasting change can only come from within. And yet, she couldn't help but feel a sense of respect for Lux Bonteri, a respect that she had never felt before for someone who was supposed to be an enemy.

* * *

 **Hello! Sorry that this has taken so long. The last few weeks of school turned out to be harder than I expected (we got homework which was due on the second last day of term, for example!) and then I was away on holiday for a week with no internet so I couldn't publish this then. But I've finished this chapter now so I hope you enjoy it!.**

 **Thanks McAwsome for your review again, I really appreciate it! Generally I don't write as I watch the episodes as I think I would have the same problem as you. I prefer to watch a section, then write it as this means I can check the dialogue (when writing something which already exists in canon I try to keep it as correct as possible as I personally like to try and remain as true to canon as** **possible). I hope you liked the extra dialogue I wrote this chapter as I have been trying to plan it for a while! The beginning of this arc was quite hard to fit non-canon scenes into so I left them as they were but after this arc is finished, I have a few entirely non-canon chapters planned so stay tuned for those! I think the tribute I first found IFH through was the "Ahsoka Tano will fight" one as well, or it may have been the one inspired by that one that someone else made. Thanks once again for your review!**

 **The next chapter will hopefully be out in the next week or two so please stay tuned. Thanks for reading! :)**


	5. Fear

_"_ _Fear is a great motivator."_ — Heroes on Both Sides

Ahsoka was delighted to hear that Padmé had convinced Mina Bonteri to put forward a peace proposal to the Separatist Parliament. And she was interested as to what the gathering of the parliament would hold when she was told by Mina that she and Padmé would be able to watch from one of the upper galleries.

She and Padmé dressed in their travelling clothes and covered their heads so as to remain unnoticed before travelling to the Separatist Parliament with Mina and Lux. As they approached the building in which the parliament lay, Ahsoka and Padmé separated themselves from Lux and Mina so that they would not be associated with them and entered the building through the visitors entrance. Mina had provided them with Separatist citizen ID cards so that they could safely bypass security and the two of them took their seats on the uppermost gallery of the parliament chambers.

Ahsoka looked around, unsure of what to expect. The room was considerably smaller than the Republic Senate, but then fewer systems were members of the Separatist Alliance than the Galactic Republic. The room also seemed to contain less technology that its Republic counterpart, with rows of green velvet-covered wooden benches instead of hovering pods. The known Sith Lord Count Dooku stood in hologram form at the head of the room to oversee the meeting, instead of the Republic's Chancellor Palpatine. And yet, democracy was apparently the governing force, not the dictatorship that Ahsoka had once imagined. She watched as Mina proposed opening negotiations with the Republic and waited with baited breath as the Separatist senators voted.

The room was filled with a chorus of voices as Dooku gave the senators the opportunity to cast their vote for each side. But those in favour were louder and Ahsoka felt a surge of hope as the Separatist Parliament came to the decision that they would open peace negotiations with the Republic and Mina turned from her position to smile at them. As she and Padmé quietly left the parliament chambers with the rest of the onlookers, she couldn't help but feel that things might just be able to change for the better.

Ahsoka and Padmé swiftly made their way to a landing platform that Mina had previously told them about where a transport which would take them on their return journey stood. But before them boarded, Mina and Lux approached from the opposite direction. Ahsoka watched as Padmé shared a bittersweet smile with her old friend.

"Well, this is goodbye," Padmé sighed. Mina nodded.

"I've been disappointed before, and yet, I almost feel as if the tide has turned in the war. You should hurry," the Separatist senator said, gently pulling Padmé's hood up so that the Republic senator was better disguised from any curious onlookers. Then she turned to Ahsoka. "Goodbye, young one," she said and Ahsoka bowed her head in respect, something she could never have imagined happening when she first heard that Padmé's friend was a Separatist. Lux was the next to speak.

"You really believe the Republic will vote for peace?" he asked, addressing Ahsoka directly. Ahsoka sighed.

"I hope so. I wouldn't want to meet you on the battlefield," she replied sincerely before smiling slightly. "For your sake." At that, Lux's eyes widened before he smiled and Ahsoka couldn't help but fully return it.

"Go you two, quickly!" Mina whispered, ushering them on their way and, with one glance back at Lux, Ahsoka turned away and walked with Padmé towards the transport behind them.

* * *

When they arrived back on Coruscant, Ahsoka accompanied Padmé to a meeting with the Chancellor in order to discuss the Separatist peace proposal. Palpatine had been hesitant to accept the offer but Padmé had somehow managed to get through to her fellow Nabooian, though not without revealing that she had been in contact with Mina Bonteri. Despite the Chancellor realising that his old friend had spoken to a Separatist, he had allowed the Senate to vote on the matter. Ahsoka felt her hopes for a peaceful solution to the Clone Wars surge.

Only for them to be dashed on the metaphorical rocks of fear as the Senate building was plunged into an eerie red darkness, before the results of the vote could be announced. Very quickly it was reported that a Separatist terrorist bombing had been carried out on a power station, causing the outage and the deaths of countless workers. Ahsoka couldn't believe it. From what she had seen, there was no way that the Separatist parliament had been behind this - they themselves had voted for this peace proposal so it had to have happened without their consent - meaning that perhaps their parliament had less control over the actions of their armies than she had presumed. The whole situation felt orchestrated to the young Jedi, as if someone had been so desperate for the fighting to continue, for the Separatists to remain at war with the Republic, that they were prepared to infiltrate the Republic itself to stop the peace negotiations. It was sickening. And Dooku was the most likely suspect.

Ahsoka watched as Padmé tried to continue to argue in favour of the peace proposal, but in vain for it was very quickly decided that the banks should be deregulated to allow for the production of more clones. As so often happens in times of uncertainty and chaos, fear prevailed in favour of those who fought against peace, against what was right. The session came to a close and Ahsoka accompanied Padmé through the dimly illuminated corridors in silence until they reached Anakin, who was talking to a Mon Calamari senator while waiting for them.

"I'm returning your Padawan," Padmé said, unable to keep the sadness at the bill being passed from her voice. Anakin shared her solemn expression.

"I'm sorry your talks with Bonteri failed," he stated in a somewhat subdued manner, as if he was trying to keep the emotion from his voice. Ahsoka was shocked.

"How did you know?" she asked, suddenly concerned. If Anakin knew, who else had found out about their illegal meeting? Anakin walked over to her, his arms crossed.

"We have eyes and ears everywhere, Ahsoka," he replied angrily. "That was dangerous and careless going to Raxus, not to mention illegal! You went too far this time." Ahsoka sighed. She had only been trying to improve the situation. Anakin turned away from her and she started to walk so as to catch up to him.

"You would do the same," she responded, slightly frustrated that Anakin was telling her that she had gone too far, despite his own frequent disregard for regulation. "You do the same all the time." Anakin turned to look at her.

"This… was too much."

"Maybe so," the young Padawan replied, realising that perhaps she had stepped out of line. "But I did realise something. The politics of this war are not as black and white as I once thought they were."

* * *

 **Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the extremely long wait for this chapter. I know, it's ridiculous that it took me over a month to write this shortish chapter but life kind of got in the way and I had some other things that I had to work on. I'm also sorry that I set such an optimistic release date for this chapter last time so I won't be doing that again. But in case any of you thought I was giving up on this story entirely, rest assured, I would never give up on a story without letting you know and explaining why.**

 **Anyway, this is the end of the Heroes on Both Sides arc! Since this story centres mainly around Ahsoka's relationship with Lux, the next main arc will be the Carlac 'A Friend in Need' arc, which will probably be similar to this in terms of style (I haven't decided whether or not to do the Onderon arc as in depth as I have done for Heroes on Both Sides, I may just look at specific scenes but I haven't decided yet). But before the Carlac arc, I have a few single chapters in mind which are not present at all in the Clone Wars show, though they tie into events that are shown.**

 **Also, thank you to McAwsome and TrinityWrites for your reviews! I really appreciate your feedback!**

 **Thanks for reading! :)**


	6. Haunted

_"_ _In war, truth is the first casualty."_ \- Duchess of Mandalore

It was Padmé who had told her the news; a 'Republic' attack had been carried out in Separatist territory causing Count Dooku to officially withdraw the peace proposal. Among the casualties was Senator Mina Bonteri.

Ahsoka was horrified. Padmé had also told her that she and several of her fellow senators believed that the attack had not in fact been carried out by the Republic and had instead been caused by Count Dooku. The Separatists were prepared to kill their own senators to continue the war. It only made Ahsoka more certain that both the attacks on the Separatists and the Republic had been orchestrated to prevent peace.

She couldn't help but wonder how Lux Bonteri was coping with this. He was on his own now, both his parents casualties of the war. Did he believe the official story that the Republic was responsible for the attack that had killed his mother? If so, he would hate the Republic even more than he had after the death of his father at their hands.

Or had Lux read between the lines and wondered if the situation was more complicated than Dooku had reported? Ahsoka imagined that he was probably still confused and grief-stricken, his mother having died only a week ago. Every time she tried to meditate she saw his eyes, piercing through the panicked darkness of a galaxy at war with itself, filled with pain by the most recent tragedies that violence had caused. Of course, she had not known him long enough to be able to reach out to actually touch his mind from halfway across the Galaxy but she couldn't help but feel a strange connection to the boy who was no longer the child of a Separatist senator; a dull aching in her chest whenever she thought about what he must be going through, now that he was all alone. But the feeling was not related to the Force and Ahsoka wondered if all sentients felt this way when they knew someone they cared for was in pain.

She cared for him. She wasn't really sure in what way but somehow she had formed an attachment to the boy who had shown her that perhaps not all Separatists were inherently evil. Something about the way he had challenged everything she thought she had known about her enemy with a single question, how he had smiled at her as they had prepared to leave, how his green eyes haunted her meditations whenever she tried to tune into the Force made her worry about his safety, but at the same time she knew there was nothing that she could do for him.

Besides, she was a Jedi. She was not supposed to become attached to people, especially people who were technically enemies! But while other Jedi had always insisted that attachment was forbidden, her master Anakin had taught her something slightly different, an approach which Ahsoka felt was truer to the Jedi way; it was impossible to prevent attachments from forming but it was a Jedi's struggle to move _past_ those attachments, not ignore them entirely. Anakin himself was currently away on a mission with Obi-Wan and so Ahsoka had not spoken to him about the issue yet, though she had mentioned it to Barriss.

A fellow Padawan a few years older than Ahsoka, Barriss Offee was probably the closest thing Ahsoka had to a best friend. Being a Mirialan, a race which had many special traditions, Barriss had been assigned to Luminara Unduli, a Master of her own species. And while Barriss' typically traditional opinions contrasted Ahsoka's frequent recklessness and disregard for orders, the two young Jedi got along well and had come to trust one another after surviving being buried alive on Geonosis together. However, when she had mentioned her current predicament to her friend, Ahsoka only received a slightly amused if sad smile.

"Oh Ahsoka, I'm sorry to hear about Mina Bonteri," the young Mirialan had said. "But don't dwell on your feelings for Lux to the extent that they get in the way of being a Jedi. I know it's hard to put him out of your mind entirely but I understand how you feel."

"Really?" Ahsoka had asked.

"Yes," Barriss said without elaborating, though Ahsoka sensed a hint of sadness in her voice. "Don't worry, it will soon pass and you'll move on."

The strange feeling had not yet passed for Ahsoka but there was very little that she could do. Lux was a thousand star systems away and it was unlikely that they would meet again. Ahsoka secretly prayed to the Force that that wouldn't happen because if it did it would be as enemies and, as she had told him herself, she did not want to meet him on the battlefield. So instead she focused on her studies and tried to keep her mind on the here and now. But she couldn't help but hope that he was okay as his green eyes continued to haunt her thoughts for many nights to come.

* * *

 **Here is the next chapter of _Caught in the Grey_! I'm sorry once again for the long update time but unfortunately this (about a month) is probably going to be the norm for time between updates.**

 **Thank you very much to McAwsome and TrinityWrites for your reviews!**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy this first exclusively non-canon chapter! Thanks for reading and please stay tuned!**


	7. Vision

_"_ _One vision can have many interpretations."_ \- Eminence

 _"_ _Are you happy, child?"_

The strangely familiar voice pierced through Ahsoka's restless sleep, resonating within her head almost as if she had spoken herself. It was disconcerting. Cautiously, she opened her eyes and looked around the dimly lit cave, seeing only the softly glowing blue crystals and the still-burning fire. Master Kenobi was there too, just a few metres away, apparently still sleeping peacefully. But someone or something had definitely spoken to her to wake her up.

 _"_ _Your Master, does he treat you well?"_

The voice rang out again and this time she was certain she wasn't imagining things. It was addressing her directly. She looked around the cave, trying to find the source of the voice. Her eyes swept back and forth until she saw a figure standing by the flickering fire which she was sure had not been there a few seconds ago. Unsure of what was going on, Ahsoka stood up and placed her hand on her lightsaber. She was suspicious as to what this figure wanted and, now that she was fully awake, she could see that the it resembled a female Togruta considerably older than herself.

"What concern of it is yours?"

The figure smiled slightly, as if proud of something, and Ahsoka felt the sense of wrongness that she had sensed when she heard its voice for the first time. There was something disturbingly familiar about it.

 _"_ _I am your future, your potential."_

Shocked, she drew her lightsabers and swiftly activated them in one flowing motion as everything became clear. She examined the Togruta, noting the distinctive white facial marking which should have been different for every member of her species but were identical to her own, the clothes that the figure wore which were very similar to the ones she wore now with only subtle differences, the lightsabers hanging from the figure's belt which were unmistakably hers. Somehow it was her! And yet it was not; this figure was far older with long lekku and montrals which resembled Shaak Ti's and at its edges it became semi-transparent, the faint blue light of the crystals behind it penetrating through its seemingly solid body. It was not real.

"This is a trick!"

The figure's expression became more solemn and stern. Its eyes locked with hers and Ahsoka suddenly felt exposed, as if she was being examined to the depths of her soul.

 _"_ _There is a wildness to you, young one. Seeds of the Dark Side, planted by your Master. Do you feel it?"_

A chill went down her spine as she contemplated the words. Sure, she had never been or tried to be a conventional Jedi but she would _never_ betray them and fall to the Dark Side. And yet this figure was telling her that she was heading down a dangerous path because of Anakin. But she could not believe that Anakin would ever fall to a dark path either. He had always been strong, and loyal and good and, while he occasionally let his anger control him, he was always able to bring it under control with the help of his friends.

"No! He is like no other Jedi; passionate, impulsive… but I trust him with my life!"

She refused to believe that her kind, loyal master could become evil. He had always served others, not himself, and she refused to believe that someone so selfless could become a selfish Sith. And while he may have been hesitant at first, he had taken Ahsoka under his wing as his apprentice and taught her not just how to fight, but to do what was right and good. No seeds of the Dark Side would take root in her because Anakin had taught her to think for herself and, if she ever found evil growing within her, she knew how to swiftly uproot it. Her older self continued to watch her, scrutinising her as if could read her thoughts.

 _"_ _There are many contradictions in you. And in him."_

Ahsoka was silent. Contradictions? What did that mean? She didn't feel conflicted about her status as a Jedi; she had always felt that the Temple was where she belonged and that fighting as a Jedi was her destiny. When she had seen Master Plo Koon for the first time as a small child she had immediately felt at ease, knowing that his intentions were good and pure and that she was exactly where she was meant to be. As for Anakin, she didn't know much about his past except that he had grown up on Tatooine and something very bad must have happened to him there. When she had travelled there with him to return Rotta the Hutt to his father, Jabba, she had sensed conflict in Anakin and he had refused to talk about his past in any way, shape or form. But Ahsoka had always been good at sensing emotions and his were particularly negative on that mission, the wisps of fear and pain and even anger occasionally managing to break through the surface as he tried to control the churning ocean of his psyche. She knew that she too was guilty of sometimes allowing her emotions to cloud her judgement, contradictory to the Jedi way. Were these the contradictions that her future self spoke of?

 _"_ _Be warned, you may never see your future if you remain his student! Leave this planet!"_

At once, her future self swiftly crossed her arms and the fire seemed to consume her in a sudden blaze of light. Ahsoka felt a dizzying sensation of being dragged backwards into a dark tunnel, the light rapidly receding from her until she was suddenly jolted awake. She sat up and found herself breathing rather heavily. She had been asleep but what she had experienced had felt so real; she remembered every word that her future self had said to her in vivid clarity. It reminded her of the time when she had sensed that Padmé Amidala's life was in danger through visions in her sleep, but this vision (she was almost certain that it had not just been a dream) was even clearer in her mind despite its meaning being far more ambiguous. But the Force was incredibly strong on this strange planet so perhaps it had been responsible for the clarity which would not have been attainable anywhere else.

"Ahsoka?" Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi asked from where he stood nearby, concern for her evident in the tone of his voice as well as something else, almost as if he was uneasy about something which he did not wish to share.

"I had a vision," Ahsoka replied, still trying to decipher the meaning behind what she had seen but now certain that that meaning existed. The vision's final words to her, the warning to leave the planet, came to the forefront of her mind as she remembered their situation. "I think Anakin may be in trouble."

The two Jedi got up and prepared to leave but at that moment, the other part of the vision's final warning which she had not had time to process came to Ahsoka.

 _"_ _You may never see your future if you remain his student!"_

The rest of the vision's words were cryptic and the young Padawan could make neither head nor tail of them. But this warning, though neither the reason for it or when exactly it would come to pass was not clear, Ahsoka was fairly certain that she understood the underlying implications; if she continued to learn under Anakin as his Padawan, she would meet an untimely end.

* * *

 **Hope you've enjoyed this chapter based on Ahsoka's vision of her future self while she was on Mortis! Also, _Caught In The Grey_ has now passed the 10,000 word mark! I'm not sure when the next chapter will be finished but I expect there will be a similar time interval to that between this chapter and the last (about a month). Sorry once again that I can't update this faster.**

 **Thanks for reading and please stay tuned! :)**


	8. Massacre

_"_ _When surrounded by war, one must eventually choose a side." - Defenders of Peace_

She always loved seeing strange, new worlds and Umbara was no exception. Nestled within a nebula of dark gas which blocked out the light from any surrounding stars, the planet and its people had been forced to adapt to living in its perpetual night. From the viewport of the cruiser, she could just make out the distinction between the edge of the shadow-planet and the blackness of space and the unearthly blue-green glow of the people's unique technologies. Ahsoka had been disappointed not to be assigned to the ground mission after she and her friend Barriss Offee had assisted in the space battle but Anakin had insisted that she take some time off while he went to the surface.

However, if she was being honest with herself, she was tired. The space battle had dragged on for a considerable time as the majority of the Umbaran population had joined the Separatists. It had been difficult to fight them since their technology was so different from anything the Republic forces had seen before and they were unable to exploit familiar weaknesses as they would have done for regular droid ships. But in the end they had broken through and the Umbarans had retreated to the planet's surface with the Republic hot on their heels. Anakin had taken the 501st with him but had been called back to Coruscant by the Chancellor and, as a result, his men had been left with a different Jedi Knight, Pong Krell.

Ahsoka had heard stories about Krell; he was a by-the-book, traditional general, practically the opposite of Anakin. His strategies involved using sheer numbers of clones to overwhelm the enemy and, while his clone casualty count was relatively high for a general with his experience, his brute force approach almost always secured a Republic win. As usual, she couldn't help but feel anxious for her clones, the men who she had fought beside on the battlefield and had gotten to know in the mess hall over rations. The people who, though they shared a common face, were each individual and special and had become her friends in the lonely darkness of space. And as usual, there was very little she could do for them when she was on the cruiser in orbit and they were down on the shadowy surface.

Eventually, a communication came through from the surface to confirm a Republic victory and Ahsoka breathed a sigh of relief. Of course, she didn't know any details on how the battle had played out as the initial communication had been minimal. She wouldn't know until the men returned to the cruiser.

She waited on the bridge with Admiral Yularen, standing with crossed arms as she watched the planet below. The exchange of fire was coming to an end as the ships on both sides received the message that the battle was over and began to return to in-orbit cruisers or the surface. Ahsoka wished that Barriss had stayed with her because then at least she would have had someone to talk to in order to take her mind off things but her fellow Padawan was in an adjacent cruiser and was probably just as anxious as her. Eventually, she decided to head to the mess to get something to eat; after all, that was where the clones would go after debrief when they returned with General Krell.

When she reached the mess she took one look at the scene in front of her and knew instantly that something was wrong. The usual elation which would usually have flooded the Force after a victory was still there but was far weaker and was overshadowed by uncertainty and fear. Her heart pounded as she scanned the group of clones, her men, who must have just arrived judging by the helmets which were just coming off and the many clones who were still standing. She finally singled out Rex from the crowd, distinctive because of his dyed blonde hair, and she breathed a sigh of relief that her best friend (well, besides Anakin) had survived. He was sitting at the end of the closest table, his expression frozen, his eyes glazed.

Murmuring words of greeting and encouragement and giving the occasional forced smile, she wove her way around the other clones until she reached where he sat. She placed herself opposite him. He said nothing.

"Rex?" she finally spoke, placing a hand on his still armoured arm. He blinked, as if waking from a daze, and it was then that she saw properly the haunted, empty look in his eyes. "Rex, what happened?"

* * *

That night she was struck by how cold her quarters on the cruiser felt as they sailed through the darkness of hyperspace. Now that she knew all too well about the events that had transpired during the battle, the sense of betrayal through the Force was easy to identify. The sense that their trust had been shaken.

Of course, this was war and the Separatists rarely played fairly, though she was increasingly realising that the Republic was not much better. But for a Jedi, a general, to turn their back on the Order, the Republic, their duty…

Ahsoka had studied the Jedi's history. It had been a mandatory class during her studies at the Temple so the concept of traitorous Jedi was not foreign. After all, Count Dooku, the leader of the Separatists, was once a Jedi who turned his back on the Order. However, Jedi were loyal and one falling was such a rare occurrence and to hear the recounting of the fallout was very different to studying events in a classroom. Hearing firsthand of the slaughter that had resulted from Krell's cruel, cold tactics, to hear how he had reduced the clones to pieces in his game made Ahsoka feel sick.

So many other had been lost needlessly. From the very beginning, Ahsoka had seen each clone as an individual and whenever one died, especially if she knew him personally, she couldn't help but grieve a little. But she was becoming increasingly numb to it as the war continued, as the fallen numbers became too large to remember them all as individuals. It was at times like this that she wondered whether the growing apathy was just another sign that she was slowly losing herself to the war.

* * *

 **A wild chapter appeared!**

 **Updates are likely to be irregular at best.** **Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, I really appreciate it :)**


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